and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize