Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
