I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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