i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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