the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
should my penis look like a turkey
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
