I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
