She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
