Need sex. Gaining weight.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize