forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
