my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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