Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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