so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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