she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
