If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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