yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize