omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize