Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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