just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
