I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
