just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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