im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
