Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The best revenge is premature balding
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
