I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
