I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
