thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
