apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
