so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
