You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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