he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
