Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
