I'm drive I can fine osifer
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
