I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
