You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
