so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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