i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize