Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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