Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
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