Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
