I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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