I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
