We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
