there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize