guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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