I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
