It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Randomize
