I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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