He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
