guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize