My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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