I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
