You just made me feel so damn special
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
