Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I am one with the molecules
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
