Porn is love you can see.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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