I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
COCAINE IS GR8
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
