I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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