I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
