You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
