I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
